S8 E5: 100 Seconds to Midnight: The Dragon's Lair

0:00 The Missing Magnolia's podcast tells the stories of the missing and murdered. Ultimately, these kids went to Saint Hussy and they never came out. Together with Missing Persons expert doctor Michelle Jahni's we uncover the real true crime experience. Every time we do another interview, I'm like, how do we find so many badass women? We hear from victims who turn their pain into something positive. We didn't find out two we're eleven or twelve years old that our mom was murdered in Times Square. It said Mickey Schuenich fought for her life. An experts who think outside the box to sell cases. Nice scour missing Person's database is like namous to see if they're uploaded to that database. Subscribe to Missing Magnolia's on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts today. Well, hello there, I'm Rthien m The King the Evil Queen, and I'm Lynn Ross Camp of Darkness, and we're the hosts of Disturbing Interests. Do you get excited about mummies? Decorate in skulls, obsess over the loss of the Library of Alexandria even though it was lost in a different age. Do you kill the conversation with your in depth serial killer knowledge, facts about items made out of human skin, or have a strange longing to know the softer side of Mothman. Have you spent an objectively disproportionate amount of time studying the life of aj Holmes? Oh, I wouldn't know anybody like that. No,

1:34 certainly not. Well, I mean we did call our podcast disturbing interest for a reason. That's right. We've got them, and we are doing you the favor of keeping the questions like at what temperature does it take to destroy a cadaver out of your browsing history. Well, we hope, because with us, you might be disturbed, but you're not alone. You can find us on any podcasting platform under Disturbing Interest, or check us out online at disturbing interest dot com. Welcome to Creepy Tapas, the show where two spooky best friends give you tiny tastes of terror connected by a common ingredient. We serve up movie reviews, mysteries, murder, mayhem, and tantalizing tales from the depths of the Internet, and some random bullshit too, all focused around a similar theme. We blend our love of horror, oddities and general creepiness and dig a little deeper, discovering the history, psychology, and truth behind your wildest fears. Join us Ash and Jordan as we descend into full darkness.

2:40 Every Sunday, wherever you listen to podcasts, it's creepy tapas, y'all, What what crowd? Members of the dark Cast Network. Darkcast Network, come on over to the dark Side. We're really nice people once you get past the true crime and scary science. Hello, and welcome to Cause of Death one hundred seconds to midnight. I'm your host, Jackie Morante. Over the past few years, there have been sightings of an invasive species that hasn't been seen since medieval times. These predators roam the earth without fear. They destroy everything in their path, and for some unknown reason, they've taken an interest in Peruvian cheese. It's ninety seconds to midnight, and across the world, dragons are appearing on land, in the sea, and in the air.

3:58 They leave behind panic confusion in their wake as authorities struggle to assess the situation and maintain order. In today's episode, I'll be talking with scientists researching the phenomenon the dangers that dragons are posing to humanity and the moral and ethical considerations that need to be addressed with any novel species that appear in ecosystems. The following interviews are intended to explore both sides of the dragon controversy. While dragons are an invasive species, having originated in China, they are also an endangered species, so it's worth hearing both sides of the story. Will begin with the argument for conservation. Doctor Ben Dover is a conservation biologist who has studied reptiles around the world. He's the world's leading authority on dragons. His book, Don't Slay the Dragons is one of the top resources for infra on dragons, their habitats, and why they're worth saving. Welcome, doctor Dover.

5:05 How are you today. Thank you for speaking with me about dragons and your conservation efforts concerning them. I'm very well and I'm happy to be here. I always love talking about my favorite animals. I'm sure my listeners are excited to hear more about these animals. How long have you been studying dragons. I've been involved in researching dragons for several years now. I started by following NeSSI around Scotland. Then I went to China to study a long Way. He's an interesting but very crumpy fellow. And I've had some dealings with Puff. Wait, Puff, the magic dragon who lived by the sea.

5:47 Yeah, he's a very nice guy. He hardly ever breathes fire. He actually loves company. He's been very lonely since Jackie Paper died. Oh, yes, Jackie Paper's death was very, very sad. I'll be speaking with Puff a little later in the show. I was so glad that you could hook me up with him. Thank you so much. I had door Puff. He gets a little crabby when I take his temperature, because well you know, it's rectal. But I give him a little cheese afterwards, and he's back to his happy self. Where have all the dragons been? Why haven't we seen them before? Now? I mean the last Puff sighting was when the seventies and Nessie was thought to be dead in the eighties. Long Way disappeared long before then. Where have they been? Yes? Uh, dragons did disappear for quite a while. The conflicts with the man made them head to Siberia and bury themselves in the permafrosts, where they've been hibernating for several decades. Now that global warming is taking effect and the permafrost meltzy.

7:00 They can't hide there any longer. They can't sleep when it gets too warm. Mankind has hated and feared dragons for centuries, and they feared that if they came out of hiding, they would be killed. After all, look what happened to Appollala. Appollala wasn't she the female dragon that lived in the lake in Nepal? She was. Indeed, the Nepalese adored her. But when Western tourists visited Nepole, they went swimming in the lake and found her lair. She ran them out of her territory rightfully so, and the following day they came back and killed her. That's really sad. I heard that story a lot differently. I heard that Appllalla got unnecessarily aggressive with the people.

7:51 Of course, that's the way history goes. Sometimes. Are dragons normally aggressive towards people, No, not at all, Like any wild animal. They just want to be left alone. I won't say that they're more afraid of us than we are of them, but they certainly don't go hunting trouble and people are trouble for them. There have been recent incidences of dragons attacking in Peru, the US, and parts of eastern Europe. Do you know what provoked them? Well, the dragons have gotten a taste for cheese. They only want Pruvian cheese, though, so they're trying to steal cheese from the markets over there. That's not doing them any favors. Normally, dragons are herbivores. That's interesting. Are they okay eating cheese? Wouldn't that upset their stomachs? Peruvian cheese is really yummy, but it's rich. Yes, it does upset their stomachs. It gives them gas, so you don't want to be standing anywhere near one when they toot. I have to wear a papore when I interact with them. Oh wow, it's that bad, kIPS, it's that bad. Yikes. And Puff is eating cheese too. Oh yes, he loves his cheese, but he's at least balancing it out with things like trees and other green leafy vegetables. In your book, you mentioned

9:22 that dragons are the cause of crop circles. Could you explain that to my listeners please? Oh dear, yes, dragons will graze on the fly. This is why no one ever sees footprints or any marks on the ground around crop circles, the dragons fly over the grays, then they leave. All the designs you see in crop circles are definite evidence that dragons have visited a field. They make some very cool designs. Do they know what they're creating? Absolutely, they're quite creative. Each crop circle has a meaning for the dragons. Some are family shields, some are just doodles, but they all reflect their mood at the time. That's fascinating. Can you tell me more about the physiology of the dragon, their habitat, their lifespan, their weights and measures. Dragons normally live wherever they want. They can live in water, on land, or inside mountains. They normally like quiet places where they won't be bothered. Their layers are often deep underground. In the case of water dwelling dragons, they make their layers on the lake or ocean floor.

10:33 Dragons can live up to five hundred years in the wild. They have very long lifespans and they have no natural predators besides humans. They grow up to two hundred feet long and are usually around one hundred feet tall. That's actually pretty terrifying. I have seen them flying over my house, but I didn't realize they were that big. They were flying pretty high. They can fly at altitudes between already and forty thousand feet. They do fly high. They light the thin air at those altitudes. Wow, don't they get hit by plane? There have been a few incidences of plane crashing due to colliding with dragons, but the dragons usually get out of the way. Despite the very thick armor like scales they have, It's still hurts get hit by a plane.

11:24 Oh, I would think. So what is their breeding cycle like while they're in hibernation. They didn't breed at all, so the few that survive hibernation will have to procreate. We haven't seen any evidence of surviving spawn today, but they normally spawn every three days, and the eggs take up to five or six years to hatch. They spawn every three days. Yes, they lay in very small clutches three or four eggs, and generally both parents will rear the young until they are old enough to take care of themselves. Usually all the spawn will survive. There is very low mortality among dragons.

12:05 Young dragons stay with their parents for at least four years before they were sure enough to live on their own. Now, doctor Dover, I know that you're promoting the conservation of these creatures, and they are wonderful. But if they live to be five hundred years old and they spawn every three days, won't they take over the planet fairly quickly? I don't think the mankind will allow that to happen. I believe that people will begin hunting them as soon as they appear in greater numbers. At this point, not many people have seen them. Either that or they don't know what they've seen. Maybe it's just been a large shadow passing overhead. Maybe they've heard heavy footsteps in the forest. Maybe they've caught a whip of sulfur in the air. There are only about ten dragons left now, and some of them are very old, so who knows. If they can spawn, they may die off on their own. We do have DNA samples if we need to create more dragons, though create more dragons? Should we create more dragons? Dragons are amazing creatures.

13:11 They help the environment through cleaning dead fields and trees, they promote new plant growth, and they're essentially harmless to people. I'm not saying we should overpopulate, but create one breeding pair to ensure the longevity of the species. That is a compelling argument for keeping the dragons around. I do appreciate your time, doctor Dover. It's been a pleasure speaking with you, and thank you for arranging the interview with Puff. I'm looking forward to speaking with him. That's been my pleasure. It's always good to speak to someone who has an open mind about wildlife conservation, especially when it comes to dragons. So many people want to eliminate them and they don't realize how important they are.

13:56 Thank you again, doctor Dover. I would encourage my listeners to check out Don't Slay the Dragons by doctor Ben Dover. It's a wonderful book about dragon conservation. My next guest is doctor fran Kenstein. Doctor Kenstein is an epidemiologist with the Centers for Dragon Control in Los Alamos, New Mexico. She has also written a book called The Dangers of Dragons Elimination of an Invasive Species. Welcome, doctor Kenstein. How are you today? I'm doing well and you I'm very well. Thank you. I know how busy you are in light of the recent dragon attacks, so I won't take up too much of your time. Yes, there is a lot going on with the dragons lately.

14:52 They're getting more active and cheesemakers are having a hard time keeping up with demand. Do you find it strange that the dragons have taken an interest in cheese? No, not really. Dragons are fickle creatures and they're really not very smart as compared to other animals. They lose focus easily. Is the cheese crisis making them more aggressive toward people? Despite rumors to the contrary. Dragons are very dangerous animals. You never know what might set them off. Historically they've attacked villages and eaten people for various perceived slights. Don't they usually attack because people find their lairs. Yes, that's normally what gets them going.

15:43 But even after they remove the threat, they continue to rampage and attack. Look at what's happening in Peru with the cheese. That's very true. Several Peruvian villages have been attacked because they can't make cheese fast enough to satisfy the dragon daggons. What's a dragon attack like? Oh, dragon attacks are horrible. If they attack from the air, it's comparable to a scorched earth attack. They breathe fire onto everything in their path, roasting everything alive and destroying buildings and the land. There's no place to hide since the fire can burn up to thirty feet below ground and you can't outrun them. Normally, when dragons fly, they like altitudes around forty thousand feet, so the environment isn't affected by their flight, But when they're attacking, they fly much lower, and the flapping of their powerful wings causes dangerous downdrafts and tsunamis. We've also found that if they circle close to the ground, they can cause tornadoes and hurricanes. If the wingspan and the fire aren't bad enough, they also stomp across the earth, leaving footprints at average ten feet deep and crushing everything in their path. Oh that's horrifying. I'm going to be interviewing Puff later.

17:10 Should I be worried? Puff's pretty laid back. He's been domesticated, but he is still a dragon, So try not to say anything that he could perceive as an insult or a slight Oh, and wear full tiec and a PAPR. I hear he's been eating cheese, right, I've heard the flatulence is out of control and very dangerous. If they eat enough cheese, they breathe fire from both ends, if you know what I mean. H I'll arrange to meet him outdoors. Oh, definitely, even if Puff is relatively tame, don't go anywhere near his lair. Dragons are very picky about their space. Thank you for the advice. I don't want to end up like Sigurd. Oh. Yes, Sigurd. He was very successful and slew many dragons, but even he met his match with Drago. Of course, she's a force to be reckoned with. Is Drago still around? Oh? Yes, she's getting older and slower, but she can still breathe fire with the best of them, and I believe she can still breed. So there's that.

18:30 That brings me to my next question. Do you think there's a chance that dragons will take over the Earth? I have no doubt that if we don't control them, they will. Let's look at the logistics. Granted, not very many survived the Great Hibernation. There are only about ten left on Earth, but four of those are female and perfectly able to lay eggs. Dragons spawn every three days and lay clutches of three or four eggs every time. Most of those eggs will be viable and will mature and hatch in about five years. Then those dragons will mature about four years after that and go on to spawn with others. The average lifespan of a dragon is five hundred years, so do we have to do the math? That math looks pretty bad, even if we only consider that they spawn every three days. I've heard that dragons carry several diseases. Can you tell us more about that?

19:33 Of course, that's my specialty as an epidemiologist. Dragons carry several diseases. They're asymptomatic hosts for salmonella, mers, sars including COVID nineteen, ebola, and a host of other diseases. Don't touch puff if you do, wash your hands right away. Dragons harbor upwards of two hundred microorganisms that are harm full to humans. I seriously don't know how Jackie Paper lived so long. Jackie Paper did live to a ripe old age, but I will be careful not to touch pup. People always want to interact with wildlife, but don't, especially dragons. They're very dangerous animals, not only because of their sheer size and strength, but because they carry so many diseases. Ugh. Then there's the flatulence that alone could kill someone. And right now, with the cheese thing going on, let's just say it's bad. Well, doctor Kenstein, you have certainly given me some food for thought. Do you think that efforts should be made to save the dragons? No, I am totally against it. The ten or so that are left will begin to wreak havoc on humankind shortly, and once the first clutches of eggs hatch, there will be no stopping them. I'm afraid this is one's that should be eliminated. I mean, they can live anywhere, and they don't have any predators. They

21:06 could dominate the earth in twenty years or less. My book explains the dangers of allowing dragons to proliferate and detail. Have you read it? I have, and it's fascinating. The history of the dragon is particularly interesting. Thank you. I loved writing that part. I thought there was no better way to bring my point home than by talking about what's happened in the past. Well, the past certainly can tell us a lot about the future. Thank you, doctor Kenstein for being a guest on Cause of Death one hundred seconds to midnight. I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. Oh, thank you for having me. Let me know how things work out with Puff, and please keep yourself safe. Remember he's kind of an old hippie, but he's still a dragon at heart. I'll keep it in mind, Doctor Kenstein. Thank you. That was my interview with doctor fran Kenstein.

22:07 If you're interested in learning more about the Dangers of Dragons, check out her book, The Dangers of Dragons Elimination of an Invasive Species. We're going to take a break to hear from my sponsors. Then we'll be back with the moment you've been waiting for my interview with Puff the Magic Dragon. And here he comes, Puff the Magic Dragon who lived by the sea. Hello, Puff, welcome to Cause of Death. One hundred seconds to midnight. I appreciate you taking the time to meet up with me. I appreciate you having me as a guest on your show. Did you bring geez a little?

23:00 But would you mind eating it after I'm safely downwind a few miles of course, In fact, we may want to switch places. You're sitting up when from me? Now, Oh, thank you. I'm glad you thought of that. The PAPR helps, but it doesn't quite kill the smell. What's up with the cheese anyway? Puff? Well, when my friends and I woke from hibernation. We found ourselves with an overwhelming craving, but we couldn't figure out what it was we were wanting. We didn't eat cheese before, so we had no idea what it tasted like. We flew all over the world, eating different trees and crops and animals, and then one day Drago ate a Peruvian man. Way, I thought dragons were herbivores. Most dragons are. I'm a vegetarian, so I stick to the greens except for fish.

24:11 But Drago Drago eats anything. She's sort of a trash panda. Anyway, after eating the Peruvian man, she figured out that he had eaten a bunch of Peruvian cheese. So we went to a village and we plundered it for the cheese. You plundered a village, Well, we couldn't buy the cheese. We didn't have money, so we had to steal it. Are you still plundering for cheese? Of course, we still don't have money, but we really like cheese, especially Peruvian cheese, even if it makes us Cassie, excuse me, I ain't quite a bit of cheese. Before I got here, Doctor Dover's been buying cheese for us, so he can study us. He told me a little bit about that. Do you like doctor Dover? Oh? Yes, Ben's a very nice guy. Even plays with me a little, just like my friend Jackie Paper used to. I'm so sorry for your lost puff. How long has it been since Jackie passed?

25:40 Only about thirty years. He was my very best friend and he died so young. How old was he? He was only one hundred and four, just a baby. He came to see me right up till the day he passed. He slowed down quite a bit over the last fifty years of his life. Oh, I imagine he did. One hundred and four is a long life for a human. How did you feel about the song that was written for you and Jackie? Oh? I thought it was a great tribute to our friendship. I was heartbroken when he passed. I think I was the first one to go into hibernation. I buried myself in the permafrost right after his death. I haven't been the same since. Excuse me, oh bah, I'm sorry, but I'm so glad we're meeting outdoors. Holy Cow, I know the forts are really bad. I'm sorry. I didn't eat any cheese for a few days. Hoping that the gas would subside. On the bright side, at least I'm not fart and fire. Oh dear,

27:11 that actually happens. Oh yes, it can be rather dangerous for anything that's behind me. I started a forest fire in California a few weeks ago. It's only a small one, Thank god. That could have gotten the attention of the dragon slayers. Dragon slayers still exist. Oh yes, there are many people who want to hunt us out of existence. There are even schools where dragons slaying is taught. I had no idea. Puff, What are you doing? Have you been eating cheese? You smell like cheese. What kind of cheese is that? Well? I made mac and cheese out of graere. I love cheese. You can't get enough cheese. Hm. Is that a French cheese? Yes, grier is French. It's very melty, so it's good for making mac and cheese. Puff. Did you eat any

28:41 cheesemongers in Peru? Only one? He smelled so much like cheese. Dragons love cheese. You know you could uh pet my nose if you wanted to. Your nose is awfully close to your mouth, which is getting extremely close to my face. Could you back up? A hair, and you're starting to breathe fire. I'm getting really hot in this tivek. Well, you could take the tivek off, then I could smell you better. No, I think I better keep the tievek on. I mean, you're pretty gassy and all. Oh, but tivek doesn't taste very good. I mean, tivek is so hot and uncomfortable. I promise I'll try not to fart anymore.

29:52 Wait, I thought you were a vegetarian. I am most of the time. Puff. It's been very nice talking to you, But I have to go and let my dog out. I've been away from home for quite a while, and I'm sure she needs to go potty. Would anyone else be missing you? I mean, does anyone know you came here to meet me? Well, of course I told doctor Kenstein and doctor Dover and several other people. I couldn't help the brag that I was going to meet Puff the magic Dragon. What kind of cheese have they been eating? I really wouldn't know, Puff, What is that? It's vinegar? Puff? I also have dragon repellent and a sword. I took a few lessons in dragon slang before I came to meet you. Just in case. Ah, enough, Okay, I'll let you go. Don't slay me. Doctor Kenstein was right. I'm glad I came prepared. You are a dragon at heart.

31:23 Okay, Puff, I'm going to back away slowly. No breathing fire and no trying to eat me. I thank you for talking to me, but I have to go. Now, go, just go before I get angry again. You're no fun to play with. You were going to eat me. That's not playing. Holy cow, that's a lot of wind. I'm going to get under this picnic table until he's gone. Wow. So that was Puff the Magic Dragon. I was expecting something really different. He got kind of angry in the end. I want to thank my guests for this episode, doctor Ben Dover and doctor fran Kenstein, and of course Puff the Magic Dragon. It's ninety seconds to midnight and the last ten dragons on Earth are spawning. They're becoming aggressive over cheese, and the threat to humankind looms bigger across the globe as the eggs hatch and more dragons come into being.

32:44 Thank you so much for listening to Cause of Death one hundred seconds to midnight. I have some very special people to thank for helping me with this episode. Jason Usrie of Santa Maybe a Criminal who played Doctor Ben Dover instead of the already Gone podcast who played Doctor fran Kenstein. And finally ce j John of Over the Rainbow, True Crimes of the LGBTQ who played Puff the Magic Dragon. Thank you all for lending your voices to this episode. This has been my pdversary episode. Three years ago, I had an idea that I could mix my passion for infectious disease with history and help others understand how governments, citizens and researchers view disease. Two years ago, I added the one hundred Seconds to Midnight episodes to introduce the concept of global disaster. This year, I'm sprinkling a bit of humor in there to break up the infectious disease and disaster. If you'd like to send me a message, you can do so at Jackie at Cause of Death one hundred six net, or you can leave a message on the website at www dot cause of Death one hundred sex dot net. Please share these episodes with everyone you know, and if you have a moment, run by Apple Podcasts and leave a review. Also check

34:14 the show notes for this episode. For ways you can support the show. All my social media links and links to the contributors to this episode. Thank you again for listening to Cause of Death one hundred seconds to midnight. Until next time, remember that even Puff is a dragonette heart. Puff